


Ready For Love

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Alternating, challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-21
Updated: 2003-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-13 14:18:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/138287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Brian sees Ben holding Mikey's child he finds himself fighting off a huge rush of jealousy. How does he react to this realization and what does he do about it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

****

  
The last thing I remember seeing... were HER eyes... so like Michael's.

I had always thought that when baby's were first born, their eyes were blue... but hers were the same chocolate brown orbs I'd been falling in love with, since I was fourteen. And they radiated the same sensations to me... of fully trusting with their lives. Knowing me, just by a quick glance.

She quieted the minute I held her to my heart. She was so little, barely able to breathe. Her crying down to a low rumble of curiosity.

To most standards... my first impression of her was quite gross. Her premature, tiny body covered in fetal juices, blood and something indescribable, a gooey liquid. I chose to look beyond the surface. Instead, I was focused on the tufts of raven black curls on her head. The pale, flushed skin, the cute button nose and the rosiest lips ever present on a baby girl. I wanted to kiss them, but just held her close to my body.

Picture this... I'm standing, in the middle of the worst spring snow shower to ever hit The Pitts since the early 1900s. Said so on the news this morning. I'm in nothing but my white-T-shirt, pair of worn jeans and slip-on loafers. I can't even claim to be wearing any underwear, my mind is that jumbled by what's just occurred.

The weather can't decide what to do, so it's a combination of light rain, misty, and huge clumps of falling flakes. I'm covered, head to toe, in both.

The hatch of Melanie and Lindsay's mini-van is raised, barely capable of sheltering me and the baby... who I've come to secretly call *Grace*... you'll understand why, in a few minutes...

So, Melanie's laying in the back, completely drenched in blood, sweat, tears and... utter embarrassment. Her arms over her head, she's crying great sobs of grief and I'm just making sure both mother and baby are alive and well, so I can drive them to the hospital.

"Gus... does Mommy keep a blanket or something in the car?"

Yeah... that's right. Gus has just witnessed what happened, not just seven minutes ago. He's more concerned by the pale look about Melanie... and all the blood. But he's still attached to his toddler seat, unable to move about the vehicle, so he can only point out certain spots to me. Basically, there's nothing. There's no small blanket, or a piece of material, to wrap Michael's daughter in... except... my T-shirt.

Fuck, it's already covered in a mixture of everything that has come out of Melanie. A one handed move has allowed me to take off the white material. I lay it down on the carpet, in the back of the mini-van, place Grace in the center. I tightly cocoon her in the t-shirt. I found my hip-length leather jacket and wrapped her in that, as well. I propped her up, to watch, but her quiet eyes trailed after me instead.

Melanie has finally sat up, pushing from her torso. She's so exhausted. "I don't hear anything, Brian... is the baby...?"

I moved to climb into the back end, wanting nothing better then to get out of the freezing cold. My adrenaline has heated me up somewhat, but it's wearing off. I pull the hatch down, closing all of us inside the chilled mini-van. I pass her the bundle of baby, who begins to cry, incessantly.

"What happened to your clothes?" Melanie's outraged by my cool skin. She's rubbing my naked flesh, hoping to warm me up.

"I had to cover your daughter in something!" I didn't mean to sound upset, but the situation was frustrating me to no end. This was no time to be bringing up all Melanie's problems with my past. Sometimes I just wished she'd let go of her anger, give it to someone else. She watched me try to climb over her.

"What?! What are you doing, Brian?"

"You drove the van into a snow bank. The driver door is blocked. It's too icy on the street for me to get in on the passenger side. So I'm improvising. I have to get you... and Grace... to the hospital."

"Who?" Melanie was confused to who I was talking about.

"Your daughter?"

"You already named her?" Melanie sounded close to crying her eyes out, again.

"I fuckin' helped you deliver her!" I climbed into the driver's seat. I could feel the wetness seep into my jean material. I recalled Melanie saying her water had broken... right where I was seated. "Christ!" This was a fuckin' nightmare!

"Here, Gus, honey... give this to your Daddy!"

When I turned my head around, stretching my arm out toward Gus, I was handed a dark brown knitted sweater jacket, zipper down the front. Well, there was no accounting for taste. Thankfully, the mini-van started up once I turned the key in the ignition. I attempted to back out of the snow bank Melanie had drifted into. The wheels spun, continuously, as they tried to gain traction on the slippery surface of the street. I felt the beginnings of a cold wind to my skin, so I quickly put the sweater jacket on. It was still warm from Melanie's body and carried her perfume.

That particular scent would hit me, oddly, in the future. Like childhood scents that make you recall memories of your youth.

The next thing I did, was turn on the heater, full blast. I planned on looping between intense heat for a few minutes, then cooling down so the engine, or the car battery, didn't drain.

I turned my head, to check behind me. I wanted to make sure I had a clear path to roam around in. The next second I put my foot on the gas, slightly, then jumped to the brake. I created a rocking motion that forced the mini-van to push off the embankment. The tread finally was able to grip the road surface. I counter turned the steering wheel when the wheels wanted to form their own path.

"Alright, everyone... hold on." I gunned the engine, testing the tires. The car's inner safety mechanisms helped me along. I was making it down the road, in the middle of the snow that had just turned into blinding rain.

I had us almost to the hospital. I could see the red sign lit up saying "EMERGENCY", but some asshole trucker decided to shower my windshield with a puddle of water as he made a right turn onto the lane in front of me. I was unable to see clear enough and spun the mini-van, ending up slammed against another pile of dirty snow from the city workers. Not enough salt on the road, I suppose. My head hit the door window, cracking the pane slightly and cutting my left brow.

The engine shut down. I tried the ignition again... with no success. I hit the steering wheel with my fist. Why me, God? I turned in my seat, checking all my passengers. "Is everyone okay?" As I got my resounding *yes* chorus, I opened my door, finding out I had a clear road to climb across.

Where were the people in the neighborhood? Where were the police officers? I actually wanted to beat the living shit out of that truck driver, but I'd save ass kickin' for later. I measured the distance, with my eyesight. My hope was that once I began walking, I could find that concerned citizen to help aide me.  
   
I swore I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Suddenly roped into this heavy load of responsibility was unnerving. I hadn't been prepared. I guess no one is ever prepared enough for emergency situations.

I could do one of three things. I could run to the hospital myself, leaving Melanie, Grace and Gus in the mini-van. Or I could take Gus with me, so Melanie could just deal with the baby. And my third choice was to take them all with me. Melanie made the decision for me. Option one would be the best.

I kissed everyone goodbye. Yeah, even Melanie. She whispered close to my face, grabbing the lapels of her own sweater jacket.

"Stay warm. Make it back safely."

"I will." I promised her, rubbing her muscled biceps to let go of me. I blew a kiss to Gus, who smiled and waved. My eyes drifted to look down at the baby in Melanie's arms.

Grace is barely an hour old and already... I love her... with everything in me.

If asked, I would put my life on the line, for her... no question... just like I would for her father.

I curl into my own body, feeling the immediate chill. I wanna hold her again. I didn't get enough time to enjoy her, like I should. Her little face is crumbling as I slide the mini-van door shut. She obviously knows something I don't. I wish she could talk. Tell me what I was walking into... blindly.

Rain turned back into snow, again. Ah... another challenge. My next one... was to find a way around the construction sight I stumbled upon. Damn city, always finding money at the end of a fiscal year to *improve* roads... and then get caught in the middle of awful, inclement weather.

So... it pretty much sucked to be me, right now.

I must have hit my head, harder then I thought. Either the flakes were collecting on my long eyelashes or my vision was blurring. I couldn't tell which...

My next step was a doozey... and everything went blank...

 **~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

  
**BRIAN'S INNER THOUGHTS -**   


 

 _  
  
**unconscious dreaming...**   
  
_

_  
**When I re-opened my eyes, I found myself in a familiar spot. The rooftop of the hospital. The last time I'd felt like teetering the edge of Life and Death was at Gus' birth. It was kind of an odd *full-circle*. I was curled in a ball, hunched in a crevice. A hospital blanket and pillow in my possession. I raised my eyes to find myself staring at the full bottle of Jack Daniels I'd purchased a few minutes ago. I hadn't drunk one drop, but I still felt woozy.**   
_

_  
**I reached up to touch my head. Butterfly bandages covered my left temple. I picked at my T-shirt, noticing the mixture of baby, blood and Melanie. I was back to wearing my hip length, black leather jacket. I moved my eyes over to see what sat next to my full bottle of Jack. A stupid plush stuffed Teddy Bear. Pure white, angel wings on it's back. The bear was in mid-prayer. Lids shut and a red heart between it's tiny palms. On the heart, in white letters, it said,**   
_

 

 **"You're Mine."**

 _  
**It was supposed to be for Grace, but... things had changed. I guess it explained why I was up here, in the first place...**   
_

_  
**I had snuck into the NICU, where they were keeping Michael's daughter as a precaution since she was a premie.**   
_

_  
**I walked up to the window, where all the other babies were on display. I found none of those little faces as appealing as the one that I had set my own eyes on a few hours ago. Problem was... I wasn't really family. At least, not the kind of family the nurses could allow in to see the babies. I knew the kind of security they had for this unit. But it kind of unnerved me that I stood alone in this hallway, looking like I did... and no one questioned my presence. My gaze wandered the huge room, spotting the recessed area for the NICU.**   
_   
_  
  
_   
_  
**I spotted a few familiar faces. I wandered closer, finding the door unlocked to allow me entrance into the small room, where parents and family members could put on the gowns and masks needed for the room. I put my bear down, picked up a gown and mask. As I was about ready to push through the door, I found myself spotting Ben. Apparently, Grace was well-enough to be taken out of her incubator, for short periods of time.**   
_

_  
**The next thing I spied was the huge plush bear on the small stand. Obviously brought by The Professor. How could Teddy and I compete?**   
_

_  
**I painfully watched as Ben, in yellow gown and mask, sat down in the pale oak rocker and just began calming a fretful baby. That was my job. Fuck! I felt like breaking through the glass. Had everyone forgotten what I did to bring her into this world? What did Saint Benjamin ever do? Except look pretty and buff?**   
_

_  
**Grace was dwarfed on his muscular chest. I could spot Lindsay, Debbie and Uncle Vic behind their masks. Their smiles and laughter were unmistakable. I wondered where Michael was, in all this mix.**   
_

_  
**I took Teddy and split. I knew where I didn't belong.**   
_

_  
**Grace already had two perfect Daddies. Why would she need a fuck-up, like me?**   
_

_  
**I knocked over a few items on my way out.**   
_

**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

  
**REALITY -**   


 

 _  
  
**present - hospital - NICU...**   
  
_

One of the young nurses lifted her head up at the sharp noise.

When she checked the anti-room, the only things she found were a bundled up gown and mask, hanging off the dirty linen bin. The soap dispenser bottle, on the sink, was rattling in the metal drain. A few aluminum items had been overturned on the shelf.

Who could have been here? And left so fast?

 **~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

 

  
  


  
**BRIAN'S INNER THOUGHTS -**   


 

 _  
  
**unconscious dreaming...**   
  
_

_  
**So back to my quiet vigil on the rooftop.**   
_

_  
**I wish Teddy had open eyes, so I had something to stare back at me. As if someone where actually in front of me, giving me attitude.**   
_

_  
**It's cold up here. Thank God I snuck out the blanket.**   
_

_  
**Damn, my head hurts... I close my eyes, leaning my head along the brick wall.**   
_

**GRACE, HONEY... I'M SORRY... I'M SO SORRY... I LET YOU DOWN. MAYBE... MAYBE, NEXT TIME.**

 _  
**Sleep comes to me fairly easily. I should have brought over the bottle of Jack,to keep me company.**   
_

**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

 

  
  


  
**REALITY -**   


 

 _  
  
**flashback - hospital - Emergency Room...**   
  
_

The sudden rush of the doors interrupted the speech of the Pittsburgh EMT as he spoke to the head trauma nurse and doctors.

 **"White... male... thirty-four. Found in a snow drift. Faint vital signs on scene... Severe hypothermia and head trauma to the left temple."**

The lead trauma doctor yelled toward the doorway. **"Bed Four! Over here!"**

Heart monitor leads were quickly attached. The pulse oximeter, to generate the oxygen level in the patient's body, went on the tip of the left index finger. The blood pressure cuff around the right biceps.

 **"I'm not getting a pulse ox!"**

 

The bleeps on the machine told of a low, critical vital sign.

 **"Christ! Feel that! His left arm is frozen solid."**

 

The trauma doctor exclaimed as he made them switch around. The blood pressure cuff went around a thigh and the right index finger got the pulse ox.

 

 **"Here!"**

 

He tossed a few of the nurses, and ER techs, surrounding the bed, pairs of scissors.

 

 **"Let's get these wet clothes off. Someone get me some warm packs. I need a couple of warm blankets. Hey! You!"**

 

A lowly ER tech turned, pointing to his own chest.

 

 **"Go find us a heater. We can rig it up directly on him. Toast him right up."**

 **"Now!?"**

 

  The ER tech screeched

 **"Stat!"**

 

The trauma doctor shook his head. "Shit!"

One of the nurses, standing at the head of the stretcher, noticed the frozen blood on the temple.  **"Doctor... do you want an MRI? This cut looks pretty deep."**

 **"Right now, we'll worry about the hypothermia. Someone give me a needle to draw blood. I need a green, purple and blue tube. I want a stat CBC, CMP, PT, PTT."**

A young woman came up with a lab tray. **"What's the extra tube for, Doctor?"**

 **"Good measure."**

 

The trauma doctor watched as the circle of people undressed, and redressed, the naked man in a warm, clean gown, covering him with the piles of warm blankets.

 

 **"Warm packs?"**

 

He put out his hand for them to be tossed to him.

 

 **"Let's put these all around his left arm. This guy got a name?"**

One of the ER techs was handling a lone wallet, expensive watch and keys he'd pulled from the cut jeans. **"Uh... Kinney. Brian Kinney."**

 **"Brian. Hmm... that's my nephew's name. Hey, Brian!"**

 

The rubber-gloved hand went to shake Brian on his chest, very forcibly.

 

 **"Brian! Can you hear me?! Come on, it's time to wake up!"**

 **"No more cat-nappin' in snow banks, dude! Wake! Up!"**

 

A burly ER tech did the same maneuver, taking over the job from the trauma doctor.

 **~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

 

  
  


  
**BRIAN'S INNER THOUGHTS -**   


 

 _  
  
**unconscious dreaming...**   
  
_

_  
**Damn! I shot up quickly, unsure of what had woken me up out of my dead sleep.**   
_

_  
**Christ! I was still alone. Back on the roof.**   
_

_  
**Man! What kind of nightmare was I having? I stood up, leaving my blanket, and pillow, right where they needed to be. I felt the chilled breeze from being so high up. The wind whipped faster up here. I swiped at Teddy, but managed to just knock him over. He plopped down to the surface of the roof. I reached down to lift him up, discovering that my left arm had decided not to function. My fingers couldn't move. My elbow wouldn't bend. My wrist was locked in one position.**   
_

_  
**What the fuck?!**   
_

_  
**Holding my arm to my chest, I used my right hand to pick up the stuffed animal. Black tar marred it's pristine nose. Shit! I was planning on giving it to Melanie, then maybe she could place it near Grace's bassinet, or something.**   
_

_  
**I made my way, downstairs, catching a ride on the elevator. Man! What time was it?! It felt late, like early morning late. I looked down at my wrist, discovering that my watch was missing. Great! I had probably lost it in the middle of all the ruckus with Melanie... and the baby.**   
_

_  
**Grace... oh, Lord... I closed my eyes to the heartache. I couldn't get that vision of Ben, holding her, out of my head.**   
_

_  
**I hoped Melanie would be a little more pleasant.**   
_

_  
**The minute I stepped into the room, I knew I should have turned around and left. Melanie was fast asleep. Why not? She'd done quite an amazing feat for a woman. I held a new respect for her. She looked perfectly healthy. No worse for wear. I must have done an okay job of helping her in her hour of need.**   
_

_  
**Amidst all the flowers, balloons and well-wishing cards, I gave Teddy a place to sit. He looked cute, despite the black mark on his nose.**   
_

_  
**I swiveled back around, exiting the room. I promised to catch her later.**   
_

_  
**I felt compelled to try another visit with Grace. This time... it would just be me... and her... no one else.**   
_

**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

 

  
  


  
**REALITY - MICHAEL-**   


 

 _  
  
**present - hospital - Melanie's room ...**   
  
_

Michael opened his eyes to the slam of a distant door. Funny, it sounded awful close. He turned his head to glance at the room entrance. No one was in the room. He could hear Melanie's soft snoring. She lay on her right side, facing away from him.

Climbing off the small couch, Michael paced to the bed's edge, looking down at Melanie. He couldn't believe all that they'd been through in only under twenty-four hours.

They'd found Melanie, locked safely in the mini-van, heater running, asleep with their daughter in her arms. Gus had been the only one awake, but still unable to converse in complete sentences. No one comprehended his utterance of Daddy and hospital.

Michael had cut his vacation short, grabbing the next flight and getting to Pittsburgh as fast as possible. His daughter had been in critical condition then, but over the last few hours her status had improved immensely. It was inexplicable. They were still taking preventative measures to help her breath on her own.

Once Melanie had arrived to the ER, they had to rush her into the operating room. They had to repair some damage from the trauma of the birth. Melanie was never conscious enough to mention much about what had been done to bring her here.

Michael was totally oblivious to where Brian was right now. All he knew was, despite everyone's efforts to contact Brian, he never answered his home phone or his cell phone.

 _Asshole, selfish prick!_

Probably met some random trick off the Internet and went to his hotel room.

Justin hadn't even been able to reach Brian.

Frustration led Michael to wander the room. He faced the shelves that held all of Melanie's flowers, cards and get well stuffs. One thing stuck out for him. A small white Teddy bear, holding a red heart depicting the words, **"YOU'RE MINE"**.

He squeezed his eyes shut. Christ! It reminded him of one of those silly, sappy Valentine cards you passed around class. But... in a way, it was so Brian. Completely tacky, utterly charming. He picked up the bear. This would fit perfectly in his daughter's incubator.

 **~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

 

  
  


  
**BRIAN'S INNER THOUGHTS -**   


 

 _  
  
**unconscious dreaming...**   
  
_

_  
**Again, no nurses were around to police me. Some security system they had. I put on a yellow gown and a mask over my mouth. It was weird, actually. The lighting seemed only to be glowing around her tiny slot. I noticed Ben's bear seated on the floor, next to the oak rocker. Some baby was crying up a storm. As I drew closer, I discovered it was Grace.**   
_

_  
**And who wouldn't be crying, like that? Nobody was touching her. Nobody was holding her, making her feel loved. The only thing that came close to human warmth was her light and the pastel colored baby blanket, showing little children angels flying around a perfectly cloudy sky.**   
_

_  
**I stood over the thick plastic, gazing down with wide eyes. Already, only a few hours old and she was commanding attention. That's my girl!**   
_

_  
**"Hey, bug." I tapped a finger on the lid.**   
_

_  
**Wide chocolate eyes turned to bore into my soul. The little round face, red and flushed, wet from newborn tears.**   
_

_  
**She immediately quieted down. Her heart rate slowing. Her tiny hand smacked the incubator cage, wanting to touch me.**   
_

_  
**That's when I began to cry. Sobs, actually.**   
_

_  
**I had to fuckin' hold her! I looked around the room. I mean, who would really know.**   
_

_  
**I found out how to unlatch the lid.**   
_

_  
**Grace actually quietly contemplated me, again. Unsure of my attempts, she didn't want to cling too early, only have me bail on her later. Something in the way we communicated, between our eyes, I told her I was here to stay. In whatever way she needed me, I would be there.**   
_

_  
**Right now, she wanted to be held. The tiny, chubby arm raised in hope. I gave her my pinky, which she gripped with all her might. I glanced around the NICU, wondering where everyone could be. Too late, though. She was too adorable not to pick up... and hold close to my heart.**   
_

_  
**Instinctively, I placed her over my shoulder and she tucked her face in the crook of my neck. She was cuddling for warmth. I grabbed the blanket, from the bassinet, placing it over her hunched back. My body fell back to sit in the oak rocker. The short tufts of raven-haired curls lightly brushed my jaw line. My feet shot the chair in motion.**   
_

_  
**Christ! I couldn't stop thinking about Michael. I wondered where he was. I hope he didn't miss too much of Grace's first few hours on this Earth. I felt guilty for taking these lowly hours away from him.**   
_

_  
**Grace fell asleep in my arms... and I was content, for now.**   
_

**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

 

  
  


  
**REALITY - MICHAEL  -**   


 

 _  
  
**present - hospital - NICU...**   
  
_

Michael never knew what compelled him to walk the long distance to the NICU. Something about being in Grace's presence gave him some calmness to the whereabouts of his best friend.

Despite the frustration, the anger, the heartbreak of Brian missing out on another important, monumental moment of his life. Well... Michael thought this was the deepest cut Brian could ever give him. _Fine be pissy and angry at me, but don't bring down my daughter!_ Michael ran a hand through his hair as he approached the maternity ward.

He noticed one of the young nurses running out of the NICU. She seemed hurried, rushed to find someone. She nearly bumped into Michael as she scampered, sneakers squeaking, around the corner.

"Hey! Pamela... are you okay? Is everything alright?" Michael wished he could help her.

"Oh! Mr. Novotny! Did they call you already?!" Pamela tried to catch her voice. "I was just about to..."

Michael's instincts kicked in. "What is it? Is it my daughter?!"

"Come on! We need you! You won't believe this!" Pamela was still wearing the mask, so Michael couldn't depict her state of emotion. She got him gowned and masked, literally dragging him through the doors into the NICU

Michael stopped, suddenly. Too many people, masked and staring at him, surrounded the baby bassinet. His throat clogged. He expected the worst as he slowly approached his daughter's side. Christ! What a time to be wanting Brian desperately for support.

Holding the mask, untied, to his mouth, Michael strolled up, tears falling down his face... unsure of what he'd find.

What he saw... made his jaw drop.

 **==========tbc...==========**   
[](http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AeKjF_KZqdm0ZGQ2emh3dHpfNDg0aHRtM3Z6Z2c&hl=en)

 

  
**  
**   


 


	2. Chapter 2

  
She lay, in the center of her mattress, staring at him with the widest smile. Chocolate eyes boring into chocolate eyes. She gurgled once, grabbing her toes... stretching her legs out. She was proudly displaying what she was fully capable of doing. 

Michael gulped in shock. "She's... breathing on her own..." He glanced about all the experienced faces that appeared shell-shocked themselves. "Where's all the tubes? All the gadgetry... the stuff that was keeping her alive?!"

Everyone backed away, the Doctor and Pamela remained by the side of the bassinet. "We don't know how to explain it, Mr. Novotny. It's short of a miracle. Pamela just came in for a routine round of medicine... and found your daughter like this. We don't know how she did it. How she managed to take all the wires off. The monitors never picked up not being able to read her vital signs... I'm sorry..."

Michael couldn't help smiling along with his baby daughter, through his tears. Walking up to the clear cover of the incubator, he stared down in wonderment at the chain of events that had transpired. "Hey, precious..." He squiggled a finger over the surface of plastic. This caused her to widen her smile. It also sounded like she let out a true, honest chuckle.

Out of the corner of his eye, Michael spotted something laying on the arm of the oak rocker. The baby blanket he'd bought for his daughter, with the child angels in the cloudy sky.

How in the world had it gotten out of the closed, locked incubator?

Pamela moved to unlatch the incubator. "Would you like to hold her, Michael?"

"Can I? Will I be alright? I won't be contagious to her..."

"Some how... I don't think a few healthy germs will deter her from wanting her Daddy." Pamela eased the baby girl out of the bassinet. It amazed her how lively the baby was, after so many complications. And she was definitely making some noise, in desperate need of her father's arms. Who could deny this adorable bundle anything?

Michael plopped in the oak rocker, where he'd sat once before, watching his daughter cling to life. Now, he was going to be able to hold her, like he had dreamed of doing. No attachments to life support needed.

Picking up the soft, baby blue blanket, he helped Pamela wrap his daughter, tightly. Loose enough to enjoy the freedom.

As she continued to gurgle, as if having some other world conversation, a tiny hand came out to pat Michael's bearded cheek.

Michael's eyes shut at the breathtaking moment this was bringing on his heart. Such pride and love glowed off him.

_**Where... in the hell... was Brian?** _

** **I NEED YOU, BRIAN. WE... NEED YOU   ****

Michael began rocking the chair lost in the sensations his newborn daughter was giving him.

The room cleared, allowing father and daughter their moment alone.  


**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

**BRIAN'S INNER THOUGHTS -** _ **unconscious dreaming...** _

_**My lids were heavy. I felt like I had been drinking all night, but yet that Jack Daniels bottle still sat on the ledge, untouched. I was now fully alone. I had given up Teddy.** _

_**My heart contracted in pain. Something was happening to me. I could literally feel my heart... breaking?** _

_**Was that possible?** _

_**I wanted Michael. I wanted Grace. I wanted... a fuckin' L-I-F-E!** _

_**My palms rubbed over my lids, finding tears covered my cheeks. Christ! How pathetic was this!** _

_**My eyes trailed over the rooftop, landing on the spot where Michael and I had stood, the night Gus was born.** _

_**I only blinked once, when I re-opened my eyes... Michael was sitting on the ledge. His gaze was concentrated on the street below, the traffic moving at a steady pace.** _

_**Michael looked... defeated. His shoulders were hunched, as if in sorrow.** _

_**Had Grace taken a turn for the worse? Had Melanie?** _

_**I tried to stand, but any effort I made to move was stilted. Like a heavy weight pressed down on me. My equilibrium was iffy, as well. I felt so warm, but restricted... confined.** _

_**My fitful sleep had caused the hospital blanket to twist about my body frame. I couldn't free myself for nothing.** _

_**Shit! My skin felt like it was on fire. Hot pokers held at me face. Every nerve ending was being pinched.** _

_**When I tried to speak, no sound came out of my mouth. I wanted to call out to Michael. Tell him what I should have confessed to him before he left Pittsburgh. The only thing rolling in my mind at that moment were the last words we'd said to each other...** _

**I WISH I HAD NEVER MET YOU!** 

**NOT AS MUCH AS I DO!** 

_**So many words said in anger. I had tried to send him off. Give him a way to cut his losses and finally LIVE a life... away from The Pitts... and me...** _

_**I learned quickly how wrong I had been. I thought I was doing us both a favor. Giving us a way out. He with Ben, on their way to Tibet. Me with Justin, continuing our old relationship of... whatever we were to each other.** _

_**That eventually had grown stale, repetitive. I heard from Debbie that Michael didn't even last two weeks in Tibet. He and Ben had broken up the next day. Michael never came back home, though. That continued to piss me off. I had no idea where he had gone off to. I gave him the space he, obviously, needed.** _

_**I had known Michael would never last in Tibet, but you couldn't tell Michael how to live his life. At least, that's what everyone always tells me.** _

_**I had to BUTT out, for once. So I pushed... with all my might... and lost him for good.** _

_**All I wanted now, after seeing Grace... was to take back everything I said. Make everything alright. Christ! Get down on my hands and knees, begging Michael to forgive me... if that was possible.** _

_**My heart hoped that Michael had soaked up a bit of the *monk* mentality of "forgive and forget".** _

_**I tried to speak again, because now Michael was pushing himself to stand... like we had done barely two years ago. His arms outstretched, he titled his head back. He looked as if he was about to take one mean swan dive down.** _

_**Just as I said a few words in my head... that I wanted to scream to him... I could hear the one word he belted out.** _

**BBBBBBRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!** 

** **I'm ready, Michael... I'm ready... and I'm right here!** ** 

_**I passed out, right where I lay... into oblivion...** _

**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

**REALITY - BRIAN -** _ **present - hospital - Brian's room...** _

Brian shot up in horror. WHAT THE FUCK!!!??

Hands to his chest, he looked around him. Hospital room. Wires on his hands and all over his body. Lifting a hand to his temple, he found the butterfly bandage. He was hooked up to an I.V. bag on a slim pole.

He tried to lay back down, calming his frantic heartbeat. Lord! Those images in his mind had felt so real. Seeing Grace... Michael... Melanie. He swiped at his perspiring face.

Had he been out since... Christ! How long had he been unconscious??!!

He heard a soft snore to his left. Turning his head, Brian's eyes focused on the slumped body, sleeping in the reclining chair, near his bedside.

Now, was a good time to test his voice. "Vi-k..." His tone was too deep and scratchy. Not loud enough to wake up Uncle Vic. Pushing his torso off the bed, Brian attempted to reach his hand out to shake Vic awake. His outstretched legs were within a short distance. "Hey! Vic!"

Vic scrambled up from his dead sleep. He'd been keeping a long vigil at Brian's bedside, for the last twelve hours. "Christ! Kid! Give an old man a heart attack, why don'tcha!!"

Brian pushed off the covers, ready to come out of the hospital bed, standing.

"Hey!" Vic quickly stood, blocking Brian's path. "What do you think you're doing? You just fuckin' woke up after being unconscious for nearly twenty-four hours. You're too weak. You'll make yourself sick."

Brian closed his eyes at the dizziness, but the determination in his mind was forcing him to get out of bed. "I have to see her. Make sure she's okay." He used Vic as his balance board. He didn't care that he was only dressed in a hospital gown, with the back openly displayed. "Whoa!"

"You can't take my word for it?" Vic used his chest to keep Brian standing on his two feet. "And who are you going to see... Melanie?"

"No..." Brian shook his head. Then held it in his hand. "I need to see her... I need to see Grace." The side-to-side motion had made his vision worse. "God! What did they fuckin' give me?! I feel like I could float to the floor."

"You almost are, Brian. At least, if you're that in need of visiting folks... sit and let me get you a wheelchair. Okay?!" Vic tried to swallow. What name had Brian said? It had sounded like... but he thought it was just some freakish thing. Nothing important.

"Okay." Brian lifted his butt, sitting on the side of his bed, legs dangling. "I'll behave."

"Thank God." Vic rolled his eyes as he made a quick escape to find a wheelchair.

**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

Michael was just coming back from the rooftop. Funny, how the place that most scared the beejesus out of him, gave him his early moment of clarity. Helped him focus on who, and what was important... right this very minute. 

He couldn't get Brian off his mind. He craved to see his daughter. He made his way to the maternity ward.

There was a spring to his step. As he approached the huge window, that led to the NICU, he spotted Uncle Vic staring at something, transfixed. The tears just poured from his eyes. He tried wiping at his face to stem the flow, but he turned away, unwilling to torture himself any longer.

"Hey... hey... hey! What's wrong, Uncle Vic?! She's gonna be fine. I promise." He closed his eyes as he held Uncle Vic to his chest.

"Take a closer look, Michael." Vic gave a steady gaze to his young nephew.

Michael glanced over Vic's shoulder to what lay beyond in the next room. "Brian?" He gulped down a lump lodged in his throat. He shook his head at the wonder of it all. "Where...?" He desperately wanted to know where Brian had been. He slowly took in the hospital gown and the I.V. pole Brian was dragging around as he rocked the baby girl in his arm. There was such intense focus from Brian on his precious bundle. Immediate tears began pooling Michael's eyes at the sight he was witnessing. It always amazed him that he could find ways to fall deeper in love with his best friend.

Vic sniffed as he cleared his throat. "We couldn't bear to tell you until we knew Brian was out of the woods. Emmett babysat him the first twelve hours, then it became my turn. No one else knew."

"What happened?"

"From what we've gathered, Em and I... piecing Mel's story and what we know about Brian's accident..."

"Brian was in an accident? Was he hurt?" Michael put a hand to his mouth. He wanted to scream. Hit something... hard!

"He delivered her, Michael. Melanie had no one. She packed Gus in the van to bring him to Brian's place. She hoped she could beg Brian to watch his son, while she drove herself to the hospital. Except in all her anger and bickering with Brian, outside on the street, her water broke. She'd driven the van into a snow bank. The engine flooded. Wouldn't start again. So... Brian got Melanie to lay in the back. He got her through the birth. She'll forever be grateful to him. She thinks he bailed on her"

"Why didn't she tell me anything? Why didn't any of you... say something? I've been so worried. I was upset that Brian wouldn't answer his phone, nor his door. I thought..." Michael let a strong breath out. "I don't' know what I thought."

"Mel's had an excuse. She's been too doped up to recognize where she is. Now... she's too lost in the idea she has a healthy baby daughter. She's a little side-tracked. Em and I... well, we thought to wait out the moment. Hoping you'd come to your senses. If Brian hadn't woken up, after twenty-four hours... we were gonna tell you."

"What happened to him?"

"He left Mel, Gus and the baby in the van, after they'd been run off the road. He made an effort to walk to the hospital. Get someone to help him with Mel. Maybe a passing police officer, or something. He'd cracked his head on the driver's door window. Didn't realize the concussion he'd given himself. He was barely dressed for the freezing weather. He'd been in the rain/snow since helping Mel. He was completely soaked. He collapsed not far from the Emergency Room entrance. Severe hypothermia had set in. He was chilled to the bone, shivering and near to frostbite. He's got some minor damage to his left arm. It was frozen solid when they brought him in. They think, with time and patience, it will be back to normal."

Michael couldn't bear to hear anymore. He covered his face. This was unbelievable to him. He'd been cursing Brian to hell and back, while he'd been fighting for his life. A life Brian might have lost after attempting to save Michael's daughter's fragile life. "What do I do, Vic?" Michael was utterly clueless on how to make his next move.

"I may be old. Lost my mind a few times. But it is clear that the boy in there loves you. More then you can ever imagine. You'd be a damn fool to let what happened, before you left, be the way you treat him now. Not only could you have lost your daughter, but..." Vic turned his head away. "It's unthinkable what could have happened, if no one would have found Brian soon enough."

Both men, at the window, watched Brian move to the oak rocker. He set it in motion, completely content to just fall asleep, holding the raven haired angel in his arms. They gulped down their next breaths, unable to speak at the simple beauty they were staring at.

"Get in there, Michael... or I will kick your lazy butt!" Vic never broke eye contact with the vision of Brian with Michael's daughter in his arms.

Michael chuckled softly, rubbing his bearded jaw. "I'm way ahead of you, Uncle Vic." He kissed Vic's leathered cheek. "Thank you for taking care of him... while I was being an ass."

Vic shook his head as he watched Michael flurry about, heading into the NICU, where Brian was.  


**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

  
Being able to hold Grace safely in his arms, gave Brian the balance he needed to know what was in his heart was right. If he could repair the damage he'd done to his relationship with Michael, then he could become what he wanted most to be in Grace's life. He wouldn't wait any longer. She was already one day, and a few hours old, but her command of the people, around her, was fairly clear. 

_**Love me. Be a functioning part of my world. I promise to make it all worth the trouble. If you're ready...** _

Brian could hear her loud-n-clear. He knew this amazing child would be fine without him. It was the hidden treasure of knowing how much Grace would enrich HIS life. Possibly bring him the one joy he had dreamed of having as his own... Michael.

How do you speak, when there are no words to be said? How do you even begin to ask forgiveness when you know you were wrong? How do you fight for love, when you know you've lost it?

Eyes closed in earnest, Brian sensed when Grace fell back asleep. Bursts of air tickled his exposed neck. Before leaving his hospital room, Vic had helped make Brian a tad more presentable. A second gown had been wrapped around his open backside, tied around the front. Some inner trigger came on inside Brian. A gentle tune in his head made him begin to hum the random melody. He rocked, soothingly, tenderly rubbing Grace's back. The simple motion calmed Brian's troublesome mind.

Everything would be alright.

Brian was prepared for whatever came next. He knew, without a doubt, he could handle the pressure.

He was in the process of rocking the oak chair, when he heard the *whoosh* of the door to the NICU. He took this to mean his time with Grace was limited. His Happy Parade would get rained on. Closing his eyes tighter, Brian wished he could blend in, holding his precious bundle forever.

He could feel the presence approach from the left, near his shoulder. Heard the soft tread of rubber soles on tile. The shadowed figure loomed behind him.

Sighing heavily, at being disturbed, Brian went back to rocking. "Just... give me a few minutes. I'll be out of your way."

"Why? You're perfect... beautiful..." The silent statement filled the near empty room. "Stay... please..." Michael used the back of his right hand to caress down Brian's cheek, the stubble scratching at his skin.

Brian allowed himself to fall into the quiet sensation of Michael's touch. It showed him that forgiveness was right in the palm of his hand, if he should find the courage to pursue an apology.

Gripping the arm of the rocker, Michael fell to his knees. He grabbed Brian's head, from the right side, pulling him over to press a kiss to the forehead. He found a perfect spot above the butterfly bandage. The flesh was still raw around the edges.

Brian tried to use his left arm, completely enclosed in mesh bandages up the entire length. He had meant to lift Michael's chin to bring him close for one of their lip locks. Instead, Michael had taken the injured hand, in his grasp, his lips kissing the bandaged area. "Don't!" Brian attempted to pull away.

"Don't what?!"

"Thank me. I can see it in your eyes."

Michael chuckled to be read so easily. "Actually... *Thanks* doesn't really fit the situation. I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to say. I'd do it all over again. Except... I would have been a more attentive driver..."

"Please, don't blame yourself. That's why they call them `accidents'."

At that moment, Grace let out the loudest yawn, finding her perfect niche in Brian's arms. Both men laughed at the adorable image Michael's daughter made.

"So...?" Michael sent a delicate punch to Brian's jaw.

Brian raised a curious eyebrow. "I'm..." He glanced down at Grace, centered on his chest, directly over his heart.

"Proud of me?" Michael couldn't help the tiny smirk from slipping out.

Brian paused, for a long moment, before he began shaking his head, from side-to-side. "I'm... speechless. Thunderstruck. I'd never thought I'd feel so strongly about anybody... this quickly..."

"Besides me?" Michael jokingly teased as he reached out a hand to soothe his daughter's back along with Brian.

Brian bowed his head, somewhat shamed, but looked up to gaze intently into Michael's eyes. "I never apologized to you, the way I should have, before you left..."

"You came to the airport. That was enough. That's all I would have taken from you... not an apology."

"Come here." Brian found his left hand unwilling to maneuver Michael to sit in between his legs.

"I got it, Bri!" Michael treated the arm like fragile glass. He scooted along the tiled floor, found a perfect niche of his own, caught between the spread of Brian's thighs. He wound the weakened left arm around his own neck, sinking down to rest on Brian's upper left breast.

There was still a good amount of strength in the left biceps to squeeze Michael to his body. The inch of fingertips exposed, above the mesh bandages, skimmed Michael's raven locks.

As they both took a moment to dive into one another presence, their minds went back to the same time frame... nearly six months ago...  


**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

**MONTHS PRIOR -** _ **flashback - airport...** _

_Ben stood to grab his backpack from the floor. "I don't care anymore, Mike. I'm boarding the plane. I don't know why you feel obligated to wait. He's not gonna come."_

_Michael shut his eyes to the known, familiar pain. "Please... allow me this. Go ahead, Ben. I'm not stopping you from pre-boarding."_

 _Taking his ticket out, Ben used the edge of the paper to tap Michael in the center of his chest. "When are you gonna learn, Mike? It's not a two-way street... for him..."_

 _Michael stood, turning away in frustration. He paced to the huge window overlooking the jet way. "I need to do this, for myself. If it bothers you so much... just board the fuckin' plane already. I don't need your bullshit in my ear... beating me down."_

 _"Fine. If this is the way you're gonna start our trip, I'll leave you the fuck alone in your misery." Ben walked away to the ticket counter. "I hope I see you on the plane." He saluted Michael with his ticket voucher. He was all smiles for the women who greeted him, never looking back at Michael._

 _Michael began pacing, wondering if Ben was right. He didn't want him to be. Didn't want to be made a fool, yet again. Just as he was about to grab all his carry-on bags and bolt... he heard a familiar shout... way in the distance._

 _"Wait! Mikey!"_

 _Michael swiveled to find Brian at the guard desk, being frisked with a metal detector. He dropped all his bags._

 _"Thanks." Brian took back all the things he placed in the dish. He moved out of the way of people coming toward him. "Excuse me... pardon me..." He waited for a few more people to pass, before he was able to stand before Michael, his arms open wide._

 _"What do you think you're doing?" Michael was hard-pressed to act angry anymore. Just the sight of Brian was clogging his throat._

 _"You really thought I'd let you leave without at least sending you off... with a little something?" Brian wiggled his fingers in the air, tempting Michael to take a chance._

 _"Asshole!" Michael muttered, under his breath, he practically flew into Brian's arms._

 _"Whoa there, buddy!" Brian held onto Michael as tight as he could. He didn't dare do what he really wanted. As Michael reveled in his embrace, he reached into his pocket. "Hey! I came to give you this." He whipped out the long corded row of cowry shells._

 _"NO! Brian... come on... that's not what it's supposed to be used for... come on." Michael was making faces as Brian tied the bracelet around his wrist._

 _"How else are you gonna be constantly reminded of me?" Brian smirked as he wrapped a loose arm about Michael's neck, knocking their heads together. "Don't forget me... promise?" He tried to smooth Michael's clothing, wanting to do so much more to make him stay._

 _"Promise... if you do something for me..."_

 _"Anything, you know that."_

 _"Check in on Mel, once in awhile. Make sure my kid's okay. I don't know when I'll be back. I wanna be there when I become a Daddy." Michael was feeling the overwhelming emotions of drifting away from Brian... losing sight of himself and what *home* was to him. He tucked his face under Brian's chin._

 _"Hey! No! This isn't a time for tears. This is a good thing, right?" Brian gripped Michael's face in his hands, upturning the chin so he could brush kisses on his face. "It's what you want, right? You're happy with this decision?"_

 _"Yeah." There was no *umph* in Michael's tone._

 _**_ _**FLIGHT 1041... Last Call... FLIGHT 1041... Last Call.** _ _**_

_Brian straightened Michael's jacket collar. "That's you, Mikey."_

 _"Yup." Michael could barely say as he shut his eyes, the tears flowing down his cheeks. He couldn't say *goodbye*, looking into those hazel eyes._

 _Brian pulled Michael close, their noses brushing. "You don't have to say anything, Novotny. Just smile, turn around and politely wav-..."_

 _Michael grabbed onto Brian's head, forcing their lips to mold into one perfect kiss. He hiccuped between breaths as he didn't want to let go of Brian._

 _"You gotta go, Mikey." Brian sniffed, wiping at his own wet face._

 _"I know." Michael let their foreheads fall together._

 _"What's wrong?"_

 _"Suddenly... I'm scared..."_

 _"Of?"_

 _"Of what will happen to us."_

 _Brian swung his arm around Michael's waist, lifting him up to hold to his chest. "Nothing will happen, Michael. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. You have nothing to worry about. You and me... we're forever."_

 _"Promise."_

 _"Always."_

 _"Okay." Michael finally broke away, carrying his body over to the ticket counter, while Brian handed off Michael's carry on bags. Michael turned to walk down the breezeway, knowing pretty soon he'd turn a corner and never see Brian... again. So he took steps backwards, making little gestures, faces and waving._

 _Brian finally took two fingers, made a *Michael* figure walking to the plane, then he flapped his hands at his sides. He was silently telling Michael to *fly away*. He watched Michael lose himself in a belly laugh. Brian could almost hear the sharp sound. His laughter soon turned to a sob... Christ! He held a hand to his chest. When would his fuckin' heart stop aching??!!_

 _He didn't stay to watch the plane take off. That would have been pure torture. He just quietly walked out of the terminal.  
_

**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

_  
Michael took his seat, next to Ben, after putting his bags in the overhead compartment. He buckled himself in._

_"So?"_

 _"What?" Michael tried to look through some of the reading material in the basket in front of him._

 _"Did he show?"_

 _Michael contemplated how he should answer. Like Ben really cared. "No. You were right."_

 _"I'm sorry, Mike."_

 _"Don't be." Michael wasn't going to give Ben the satisfaction of killing his last image of Brian. No... that would remain his own... until they met again... some day..._   


**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**

**REALITY - BRIAN/MICHAEL -** _ **present - hospital - NICU...** _

Brian looked down to see the cowry shell bracelet peeking out from under the shirt cuff, on Michael's wrist. He knew, right then and there, things were going to get better. Better then they had ever been.

Brushing back the hair from Michael's forehead, Brian rested his lips on the skin. "I'm ready, Michael. I love you... and I love Grace... and I'm ready to build our family..."

Michael opened his eyes, his head still on Brian' chest. "What did you call her?"

"It's a name I've called her since she was born."

"Brian... it's her middle name... on her birth certificate... How did you...?" Michael shook his head in bewilderment. Brian had been unconscious when they decided on a name for the baby.

Brian smirked, shrugged and hugged Michael closer. "Don't ask. You have good taste."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

Brian and Michael remained in the room until they were, literally, thrown out.

Michael got a kick out of Brian's last action, before they left. He fondly attached himself to the stupid white angelic teddy bear, that held the "You're Mine" heart. He placed it next to Grace, in her bassinet, as she went to sleep.

**==========THE END==========**

**< <<<<<<** **EPILOGUE** **> >>>>>>>**

  
Grace would grow to love that stuffed animal, finding a security in it that was inexplicable. The only question she had, for her Daddies, as she grew older, was how that black mark got on it's pristine white nose. 

Brian and Michael had built up such a myth on the poor bear, they didn't even think the truth mattered much anymore.

They left it up to Grace to decide. Which ended up being how Brian and Michael usually solved all their problems, concerning their precocious daughter.

**==========THE REAL END==========**


End file.
